Tuesday, July 12, 2011

MRI /MRA - Torture in a tube

I wonder who invented the Magnetic Resonance Imaging machine.   He/She must be a sadistic individual.  Why would one purposely put himself through such a nightmare?  In my case it was to see what is going on with my brain.

It was an interesting experience.  I am mildly claustrophobic, so I requested a sedative before I underwent the procedure.  It was a good thing.  I'm rather large.  6'2" and well over 300 lbs.  The insurance carrier I have wouldn't permit a so-called open MRI, so I had to use the conventional machine.  They put me on this flimsy sled devise, put a helmet over my head and told me not to move my head.  Then they said, "this will take about 12 minutes.  Here's some ear plugs because it will get pretty noisy."   The sled wouldn't take me inside the machine, so they had two gorillas shove me into a tiny little tube. My arms were pressed against my belly, my elbows ground against the wall of the tube, and my belly rubbed against the top of the tube if I took a deep breath.

Pretty noisy?  WOW!  Jet engines with afterburners lit don't make that much noise.  After about 2 weeks inside the infernal thing it stopped, and I slid out.  They said they had kept me a little longer than planned.  I was in there 14 minutes. I thought I was done.  Silly me.

I was done with the MRI....but...The doctor had also ordered MRA, whatever that is.  AND ordered with and without contrast.  So...The two gorillas that shoved me into the machine the first time, did so again.  The thing began to blast like a flock of jack hammers going all at once and then the jet engine began to roar again.  Nearly a month later it all got quiet, and the sled pulled me back out of the machine.  15 minutes that time.  Done?  Nope.

They had to inject some kind of dye in my veins so they could begin the torture again.  I was ready to tell them all the secrets I had.  I began to wonder if water boarding could be any worse than this.  The gorillas shoved me back into the machine again and told me that this would be the longest one.  It was a little different though.  No jack hammers, no jet engine.  HOWEVER.  someone with a little tack hammer beat on the left side 6 times and then someone on the right side rang a little bell 5 times, back and forth and over and over.  I lost count of how many times.  THEN started the jet engine.

Finally it was quiet again and out I came.  I was only in this time for 12 minutes.

Maybe in a couple of days I'll be sane again and will learn what the torturers found.

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